The Boy Who Cried Weapons of Mass Destruction

Story by Jay Markus (from “What If Liberals Wrote Nursery Rhymes?“)

Once upon a time a boy was watching a flock of sheep on the edge of town. The townspeople told him to blow his trumpet and cry “Wolf” if he ever saw a wolf. One afternoon the boy was bored and decided to blow the trumpet and cry “Wolf” to see what would happen. When he did, all the townspeople stopped what they were doing and ran to help the boy. The boy thought it was fun to make all the people run out to help him, so he did it two more times. Finally, the fourth time, when the wolf was actually attacking, no one came and the wolf ate the boy.

The moral of the story: One should not pretend to have problems when they don’t, because people will eventually stop coming to help you.

Reason Liberals can’t tell this story as written: Liberals don’t want to believe the wolves exist at all. They think the wolves wouldn’t attack the sheep if we were just nicer to them. I think you will get the idea when you read this old classic and apply the liberal mind set.

One morning a young boy was watching a flock of sheep near the village. Suddenly, a wolf jumped on one of the sheep and killed it.

Immediately, the wolf was able to kill several other sheep. The meadow was covered with blood. The young boy ran into the village and cried, “Wolf!” The townsfolk asked him what happened.

“The wolf was dressed in a sheep outfit and he killed so many sheep…it was horrible,” the boy said.

The Woodsman jumped on a chair and announced to the crowd, “I will protect the sheep by going into the forest and killing the wolves that attacked our sheep. In addition, I will kill any of the wolves that say they want to kill our sheep.” The crowd cheered.

Then a professor from the University addressed the crowd. “Hold on everyone,” he shouted. “You all know I am smarter than you, and the Woodsman is just a stupid fraternity boy. The wolves are wonderful creatures, they are misunderstood, and actually the sheep are the reason for the wolves attacking. Remember the wolf was dressed like a sheep, so we need to watch the sheep very closely. We have to check every sheep, just in case some of them are actually wolves.”

The crowd started to nod their heads in agreement. The professor continued, “But, we can’t just assume that a wolf is bad because it is a wolf. We must learn how wonderful the wolves are. If you just want to kill the wolves you are worse than the terrorists.”

So the village people made every sheep go through a metal detector and get inspected every tie they went to the meadow. Then the news channels started making fun of the Woodsman and ran him out of town. Soon the wolves moved into the city and the townsfolk all lived in terror every after until one day the wolves imposed their law that all creatures that are not wolves must die. So the wolves ate everyone and the wolves lived happily every after.