Story by Jay Markus (from “What If Liberals Wrote Nursery Rhymes?“)
The Little Red Hen wanted to make some bread. She went to her friend, the Cow, and asked if she would like to help her plant the seeds to grow the wheat with which she would make her bread. The Cow did not want to help because she wanted to stay in the pasture and chew her cud. As the Little Red Hen proceeded through the process of making the bread by harvesting the wheat, milling the flour, baking the bread, she in turn asked each of her friends if they would like to help. Each friend declined in favor of playing or resting or just being lazy. Finally, the Little Red Hen was finished and ha a wonderful loaf of bread. Each of her friends now wanted to share her bread, but she told each of them, “None of you wanted to help me, so now I will not share my bread with any of you.”
The moral of the story: We should always do our part and help out, and if you work hard now you will be rewarded in the future. Delayed satisfaction is the lost virtue of this generation.
Why Liberals could never share this story as written: Liberals believe once you have a certain amount of money, you no longer should get to keep any more of what you make. Redistribution of wealth is central to the liberal agenda.
“Well you see, Sarah, I am not sure I want to help you. I kinda wanted to sit around the barnyard and relax a little. So not I,” said the Pig. The Little Red Hen replied, “Very well I will do it myself.” And she did. She planted her seeds and over the next few weeks she watered and tended her plants until they stood tall and golden ready for harvest.
The next morning The Little Red Hen got up really early and headed to her wheat field. On the way she saw her old pal. Nancy the Dog. “Nancy, would you like to help me harvest the wheat?” “Oh no, I need to lie around and think of something to protest, so I can make the world a better place. So not I,” said the Dog. “Very well, I will do it myself.” And that is what she did.
The next morning the Little Red Hen was very excited about grinding the wheat into flour. “I cannot help you because I never work unless I am represented by the Union, besides that is the kind of job that Americans don’t want to do. Maybe you should ask an illegal immigrant to do that kind of work. So not I,” said the Sheep. The Little Red Hen scratched her head in amazement and confusion. “Very well, I will do it myself.” And that is exactly what she did.
Finally, the day came when the Little Red Hen could make her bread. She had worked so hard but she just needed on last step so she could enjoy the fruits of her labors. She asked her friend, Hillary the Donkey, if she would like to help her cook the bread. “Oh I don’t know if that would be a very good idea. You see I am getting so much federal aid that if I got a job I would lose so much, so I’d better not. I wouldn’t want to lose what the government can give me. So not I,” said the Donkey. “Very well, I will do it myself.” With that she went into the kitchen and baked the bread.
As the bread began to bake the smell moved throughout the barnyard. Soon all the animals were standing outside the window where the Little Red Hen was baking. Barry, the Framer, smelled the bread. When he arrived, several of the barnyard animals were chanting. “Make her pay her fair share!”
Barry, the farmer, met The Little Red Hen as she came out of the barn with her bread under her wing. “I can’t let you have this bread,” he said. “It is not fair to all the other animals in the barnyard if you don’t pay your fair share.” Then he took the bread from The Little Red Hen and started handing it out to all of the other animals. Soon he only held a heel in his hand and with a smile on his face he gave The Little Red Hen the heel. He then said, “Animals of the Barnyard, I fed you today, and I made the greedy, selfish Red Hen pay her fair share. There will be more bread where that came from as soon as she makes more. If she is too lazy to do her part, I can always borrow money from the Chinese farmer down the road to buy more bread. Besides we will be dead ling before any of us have to pay it back. So enjoy your hope, change and free bread.”